You think you’ll get through it easily, distracting yourself with lots and lots of activities but you don’t.
Because you are not one of those people who let go of easily, you fight for it, you fight for it shamelessly. One day you stop fighting not because you’re exhausted but because you want them to be happy, still the heart tells you to keep fighting and you might continue.
You start to accept or start to love the yearning no matter how unbearable it is..
He is everywhere but he is nowhere…
You can feel every bit of that person, you are sleeping, and a very real image of that person appears, and you wake up not because you’re anxious, but you thought he was in front of you for a second.
Taylor Swift said, ‘Summer went away, still the yearning stays’ and suddenly you remember how you were able to push yourselves to get out of this almost but now you don’t.
You like this feeling, the sadness that comes with not being able to contact let alone having the person beside you.
You are thinking, let them be happy if they are, in their own ways, let them wonder, you’re the bad guy, let them feel like you don’t exist because this is what they might have thought in the first place.
You are here alone, the night gets dark so does the feeling, you are utterly confused because after midnight, you are not the person you are in daylight. Your weakness grasps you, you are curled up crying with your pillow, clutching it as hard as you can, so that the feeling of screaming from the whole body satisfies.
You’re longing to see them, but you are too scared if they have changed. That’ll hurt a lot, a lot more than the twisted stabbed knife in the chest.
You’ll come empty handed, you won’t come as a different person, but you’ll be more wrecked that you’ve thought.
Sometimes it happens when you are totally a different person, you are as free as you want, you get the closure but girls like me (hopeless romantic ones) will cling to it forever.
You will be Always longing, yearning and hurting.
Yearning-It is as simple as loving but as complicated as fighting your own heart.
You want to see them but you’re serious with tiny bit of their presence. Since, you have sworn to yourself that you won’t go anywhere near their home.
All types of emotions come with this feeling of love.
Finally, you let your guard down in front of them and as you expected, it tore you apart, the reciprocation was brutal for you. You are even more hurt than you’re before.
You now know new information regarding this, and the type of information which you only expected but not wished for. Now, you’re tormented so much that you don’t know how to process it, how to go back to being I don't know what time it was. “It gets tougher with every step you take it their direction”.
You are left with the misery, the kind of misery only your subconscious wanted.
Every effort you were seeing as meaningful, they saw as disturbance. Your existence starts to feel unwanted at the depth of your soul.
But here you’re writing about it to make it go away (romanticize it).